


The MASH Gods Have Spoken

by nessismore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Children's Games, Female Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 16:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessismore/pseuds/nessismore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you end up living in a shack on the Jersey Shore with Tony Stark and 12 children, driving a Pinto and mucking out stables for a living, don’t say I didn’t warn you."</p><p>Darcy comes up with a way to distract Jane from work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The MASH Gods Have Spoken

**Author's Note:**

> So this is probably pretty self-indulgent, but I just got to thinking about Darcy playing MASH, which lead to Darcy and Jane playing MASH, which lead to...this. Also, I just love friendship fic.
> 
> This is my first time posting anything from the Marvel/Avengers universe so I apologize if it's all wrong.

“Okay, Jane, break time!” Darcy exclaimed with a clap as she walked into Jane’s lab. It was usually never a good idea to disturb her while she was running an experiment, but since Jane was just writing down some notes, Darcy figured it was safe. Besides, JARVIS had said that Jane had been working for hours, and even if her mind didn’t need a break, her body did. 

Jane didn’t respond. Darcy frowned. “I’ve got coffee and I’ve got food and we need to get both of them in you.” 

“Later,” Jane said without looking up.

“Okay, I really didn’t want you to make me do this, but desperate times…” Jane kept ignoring her. Darcy pulled a piece of paper out of her bag and sat down at the table across from Jane. “I guess it’s time to decide your future. And if you don’t eat now, it is _not_ one that will involve cut, not-so-homeless men and future Asgardian princelings.”

When Jane _still_ didn’t answer, Darcy picked up her pen and started writing. “Okay if you end up living in a shack on the Jersey Shore with Tony Stark and 12 children, driving a Pinto and mucking out stables for a living, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Darcy, just—“ The irritation faded from her voice as she processed that Darcy had said something absolutely ridiculous. “Wait, what?”

Darcy kept writing, holding back a smirk. “Yep. And you might even end up getting married in a seedy drive-through wedding in Vegas then acquiring Loki as a pet.”

“What are you talking about?”

Darcy grinned up at Jane. “You ever play MASH before?” Jane gave her a look that said “duh” and Darcy beamed. “That’s what we’re playing.” Darcy looked over her categories, nodded in satisfaction, and began drawing a spiral.

“We are not play—what are you—no! Stop!” Darcy stopped, deftly drew a line through the spiral and counted.

“Seven. Okay.” Jane tried to snatch the paper away from her but Darcy held firm.

“Fine. I’m just going to ignore you.” She tried to go back to her work, but she could hear Darcy counting.

“Ooh, looks like you lucked out. You’re _not_ marrying Tony.”

Jane glared at her. “I could have told you that one. Wait, who and what else is on this list?” 

“Promise not to rip it?”

“I promise.” 

Darcy slid the paper over and waited for Jane’s reaction. 

“Erik??? You put _Erik_ on this? He’s practically my father!”

“I put Thor in there, too. So you still have a chance. And Clint—Clint’s pretty. And Dr. Banner. I know you admire his a—“

“Darcy!”

“I was going to say academic prowess.” Jane couldn’t help it. Her lips twitched because that is _definitely_ not what Darcy was going to say. And because it was true. While Jane had given her heart thoroughly to Thor, Bruce did have a very nice butt. 

“And I’m going to have 7-11 kids?”

“It’ll keep you on your toes. Are you ready?” Darcy took the paper back, and though Jane was trying to look resigned, there was an eager twinkle in her eye.

“I guess so.” Darcy pushed Jane’s food and coffee towards her and began. They sat there laughing as certain things got eliminated (“No! I’m not having any more than 7 kids!” “The MASH gods have spoken, Jane, you’re having 10 or more”). At one point, Darcy shrieked as she crossed off Thor and Jane tried to grab the paper from her, and they ended up giggling in a heap on the floor. Dr. Banner and Agent Hill passed by and saw them through the glass walls of the lab, and looked at them like they were crazy. Dr. Banner popped his head in and asked if they were alright, and while Jane was trying to stammer out an explanation, Darcy just waved and said they were cool. Dr. Banner and Agent Hill didn’t look convinced, but they left anyway, constantly looking back at Jane and Darcy on the floor until they disappeared around the corner, which made the two girls laugh harder. They ended up continuing the game on the floor.

“Are you ready to hear your future, Jane?”

“This is not my future. But yes.”

Darcy cleared her throat dramatically. “You are going to marry Dr. Banner—“

“I still say you cheated!”

“MASH doesn’t lie! Now let me finish. You’re going to marry Dr. Banner in Norway and I’ll be your maid of honor—I know that wasn’t on the list, but I’m doing it anyway. You’ll live in an apartment in Hoboken with your 10 kids and your shetland pony named Gilgamesh—“

“We didn’t name the pets.”

“I did. Anyway, even though your trusty steed Gilgamesh will be able to take you where you want to go, you will also have the TARDIS to take you to the factor where you work as a Pop-Tart taste tester. And you’ll live happily ever after. The end.” 

Jane grinned at her. “That was terrible. And now it’s your turn.” She grabbed a fresh sheet of paper from her desk and wrote MASH at the top. Then she sat back down, cross-legged, in front of Darcy and wrote down the same categories that Darcy had.

“Yes!” Darcy said with fist pump. “Can the tesseract be one of my vehicles?”

Jane paused in her task and looked up at Darcy. “The tesseract can rip open time and space and is powerful enough to destroy the world. It’s not a vehicle, Darcy, or a toy.”

Darcy just rolled her eyes. “I know, and that’s what makes it awesome. And it’s not like I’d actually have it, anyway. So can it?”

Jane was about to right it down when she looked back up and glared at Darcy accusingly. “You didn’t give me a choice in any of my stuff!”

“I totally hooked you up with the TARDIS and the pop-tart job!”

“Maybe. I will keep that under consideration. No peeking until I’m done.” While Darcy had only taken a few minutes to scribble down things in each category, Jane took her time. Darcy wanted to laugh at how serious she looked as she considered each category carefully before writing anything down, and finally she was ready. “Fair’s fair, Darcy,” Jane said as she handed her the paper.

Darcy let out a shout of laughter. “ _Coulson_? And Director Fury??”

“You put Erik on mine! Besides, I hooked _you_ up and put Steve on there, just for you.” Jane watched in interest as a blush crawled up Darcy’s neck. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Darcy said primly, but a grin played on her lips.

“Tell me when.” Jane began drawing her spiral and waited for Darcy to say stop. And waited. And waited. “Darcy!”

The other girl was grinning wickedly at her. “I’m not ready yet.”

“I am not counting out thirty five for every round. We’re starting over.” She did it again, and this time Darcy stopped at six.  Jane had been just as ridiculous in the things that she’d written down for Darcy, and Darcy muttered an “I hate you” when she ended up with twelve children. “The MASH gods have spoken,” was Jane’s response.

Finally, with all categories decided except one, Jane hid the paper behind the binder she’d been using to write on, and said, wouldn’t let Darcy see. When it was over, she looked over at Darcy expectantly and said, “Are you ready?”

Darcy tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I was born ready.”

“You, Darcy Lewis, will live in a mansion with your twelve kids and pet sloth—“

“Oh good. I love sloths. Does it have a name?”

“Um…Reggie?”

“Really? That was the best that you could come up with?”

“Not everyone wants a shetland pony named Gilgamesh, okay? Anyway, _you_ will be the one driving the Pinto in Puente Antiguo, although you’ll have to leave a lot for your job as a judge on ‘Chopped.’” Jane paused and smirked at Darcy. “And you say I don’t love you.”

“I do love food,” Darcy said with a grin.

“This is all after you get married in Canada—why did we not pick a city in Canada? Why is it just _Canada_?”

Darcy shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Either way, it’ll be pretty unpatriotic to get married there considering you’re marrying—the MASH gods do really love you—Captain America.” Darcy threw back her head and laughed. And blushed, just a tiny bit.

“Then I guess getting those twelve kids won’t be so bad, if you know what I mean,” she said with an eyebrow waggle. “All things considered, the job and the mansion aren’t bad.”

“Neither is the husband,” Jane teased.

“No, I can live with the husband, too.” Darcy took her sheet from Jane, and handed Jane’s to her.

“Whose husband?” Darcy and Jane jumped and turned towards the door. Steve was standing there, looking down at them. Clint stood beside him. “And why are you on the floor?”

“Some things you just don’t question,” Clint said with a grin. “Especially if Darcy is involved.”

Darcy stuck her tongue out at him. “I resent that and take that as a compliment, all at once.”

Clint shrugged. “It was meant as one. Pepper’s looking for you, by the way.”

She looked at her watch, cursed, and scrambled to her feet. “Oops. I’ve gotta go. I was only supposed to check on Jane and made sure she ate, but time got away from us.” Jane stood, too, and smiled.

“You should make me do that more often.”

“Eat?”

“Play.” Impulsively, Jane threw her arms around Darcy. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Darcy said, hugging her back. “Except for now, because the boss is going to kill me if I don’t get back to work soon.” Darcy gave Jane a squeeze, then grabbed her bag and headed out, punching Clint on the arm and smiling brightly at Steve.

Jane stretched and shoved the piece of paper she’d been holding under her stack of notes. “I should get back to work, too. Unless there’s anything I can help you with?”

Steve shook his head. “No, Pepper just sent us to find Darcy.” Jane nodded, then sat down and was lost in her notes a few minutes later. It was hard to reconcile the absent-minded scientist with the woman who had been sitting on the floor and laughing with Darcy a couple of minutes ago. His gaze caught on a piece of paper lying on the ground and he picks it up, thinking it might be one of Jane’s notes and that she might need it.

Instead, he spotted his name, which was circled, and Director Fury’s, Clint’s, Tony’s, and Coulson’s, which were crossed out. At the top in big letters is “MASH.” He knows he probably give it back to Jane, but he can’t help pocketing it. He waits until he’s out in the hall to ask, “Clint, what’s MASH?”


End file.
